I recall the first diary I got. It was pink - of course - and had fairies like Tinkerbell all over it. Lots of glitter too. What thrilled me the most though was the lock and key. Finally, I had something that no one could look at, totally secret, and all my own.
Like a fiend, I wrote every day for a couple of months, then I began to struggle to find things to say. It seemed nothing ever changed in my life, and I didn't know how to solve the stuff that mattered to me.
Finally, I gave up on my diary. I reasoned it was too much work. There were other things to do - homework, dancing, modeling, beauty contests. Yeah, I was one of those kids like the ones in Toddlers and Tiaras and Dance Moms.
Years later when I found the diary and read the passages, I was struck by how much I lost out on in my childhood. Simple good times with friends. Having a BFF I could trust. Going to camp, playing sports, goofing around, the usual things kids do. All foreign to me. I knew how to perform and to behave around adults. With kids, I was at a loss. Because of all the stuff I was in, I was bullied mercilessly at school. A lot of that ended up in my diary. When I read the passages, I felt the hurt all over again. As I child, I had wanted to hide from everyone, terrified of the constant criticism, yet I was spending all my free time performing, which of course, invites even more criticism. A can't win situation. The turmoil in my family was bad too. Constant arguments. You know those type of people. They're the ones on shows like Dr. Phil. Wow, did I want to run away and live where no one knew me.
Maybe I stopped writing in the diary because it hurt too much. Once you're past certain points in your life, they're best forgotten.
I survived, of course, but I ache for any child who's going through the same thing I had. I want them to be able to be kids.
Forgetting the past and moving on is the theme of my newest romance Wicked Seduction, book two of my Wicked Desires series.
Series blurb: South Florida just got a helluva lot steamier… During the day, the staff at Wicked Brand makes ink dreams a reality for their appreciative clients. After hours, this naughty crew engages in sensual delights as wild as the designs they’re selling. Their motto? Nothing forbidden. Nothing held back.
Blurb:
She’s survived abuse…he’ll teach her to trust passion and love.
Marnie’s getting her life together after
escaping a violent relationship, a repeat of her parents’ past. Bearing scars
on her arm and leg, she comes to Wicked Brand hoping tattoos will cover the
damage and allow her to feel pretty.
Tor can work magic with his stunning 3-D
designs and wants nothing more than to see Marnie smile. She’s a rare
combination of sweet yet wickedly sensual. The kind of woman a man can’t easily
resist.
He doesn’t try. Their sessions at the parlor
turn into evenings of steamy delight as they feed their carnal hunger and
growing intimacy, playing shameless games that leave them breathless and
wanting more.
Paradise for Marnie—Tor cherishes and
excites rather than harms, unlike her ex-boyfriend.
When he finds her, he’s ready to do his
worst.
Think again. This time, Marnie’s no longer
alone.
