Tagging Along

If you’re a writer, you know what a tag is. It’s that little statement at the end of dialogue that indicates who is speaking. For instance, in this snippet of dialogue, “I am going for a walk,” she said, she said is the tag. Most believe that using said for the majority of tags is the best word, because readers skip over the phrase without consciously noting it’s there, unlike other words such as answered or told or responded.

Writers can also get in bad habits by adding a bunch of action to the tag. An example would be:

“Don’t you ever come back,” she screamed as she threw a hair brush at him and missed, hitting the wall. It’s much better to separate the two, and in this case, get rid of the tag altogether. “Don’t you ever come back.” She threw her hair brush at him and grimaced as it missed and hit the wall.

If you have three or more characters in a scene, you will need to use occasional tags and use the names of the characters more often instead of the pronouns he and she to identify which he or she is speaking. Here is a short example from Coming to Climax, my suspense novel coming in September:

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Carroll.” Margaret walked forward to shake his hand. She handed a small brown bag to her friend. “Here’s your vanilla, Cindy.”

“Thanks.” Cindy took the bag. “Actually, he’s Doctor Carroll.”

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Palmer.” The man shook hands with her, a solemn expression on his face.

“Are you the local Family Practitioner?”

“I am if I’m helping your pet.”

Cindy laughed. “He’s a vet. Chris and I were just talking about a young guy who got shot.”

“You’re the vet who patched up Andy and Carolina? Thanks so very much.” She shivered. Maybe one more valium was a good idea . . .

“I knew it was Carolina,” Cindy said. “Just didn’t want to blurt it out in case you hadn’t seen her yet.”

“It’s okay. I just left her. All the time I kept thinking the person who shot Andy and nicked Carolina’s ear might be the same guy who killed those men.” Margaret sat down in a chair. “It makes me positively weak-kneed just thinking about it.”

“I hope they reported it to the sheriff. Please tell your niece I don’t think that was a stray bullet from a hunter.” He glanced back at Cindy. “Well, got to go. Kate says I have a Beagle with diarrhea and a Lab puppy who ate part of a garden hose waiting on me.”

Though the conversation changed back and forth ten times, only one tag was used.

If there are only two people in a scene, you know by your paragraph breaks who is speaking. Tags can be minimal or not there at all if you replace them with action by the character. Here’s an example from my latest Briny Bay mystery, The Marriage Murders, with tags and then without them.

With the tags:

“I hear you,” Trixie said. “Just how much extra-curricular activity have you done anyway?”

“As in sex?” Roxie asked.

Trixie sighed. “No, I meant Scrabble,” she said. “Of course I meant sex, you ditz.”

Roxie’s eyes narrowed and said, “Don’t demean me.”

“Stop the temper tantrum,” Trixie said. “I got tired of that when you were six. Spill. Have you two been to bed?”

“The time just hasn’t been right,” Roxie said.

“Bingo!” Trixie exclaimed. “Men’s minds wander at date six or earlier. Mark my words, he’s off shopping the catalogues, not admiring the old purchase.”

“Between you and Greg, I’m starting to feel like I’m ready for the glue factory,” Roxie said.

Trixie leaned down and stared into her sister’s eyes. “What’s with you?” she asked. “You’re the one who made whoopee with a California foreigner in a shed and Greg who is the obvious recipient of your pitty-pats doesn’t get as much as a bounce on the bed?”

“It’s because I admire him a lot,” she said.

“Admire is something you do to a president or a Mother Theresa or a Nelson Mandela, but it sure ain’t what you want to do to your sweetheart,” Trixie told her. “Not unless you’re laid back in a euphoric fog , smiling at how much you admire his motion of the ocean.”

“Motion of the ocean?” she asked.

Trixie shrugged and said, “You know it’s not the size of the wave, but the…”

“Right, got it,” Roxie said. “You are such a nag. You know how I am. It’s just like how I was about Christmas when I was a little girl. You’d already sneaked and opened all your presents and wrapped them back up, but I wanted to open one at a time during the day. ”

“I shoulda’ caught on you were brain-damaged then,” Trixie told her. “Get the car in gear sugar, or your sweetie will be trading you in on a new model.”

Removing the tags:

“I hear you.” Trixie placed one hand on her sister’s shoulder. “I suggest you get his mind off kids. Just how much extra-curricular activity have you done anyway?”

“As in sex?”

Trixie sighed. “No, I meant Scrabble. Of course I meant sex, you ditz.”

Roxie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t demean me.”

“Stop the temper tantrum. I got tired of that when you were six. Spill. Have you two been to bed?”

Roxie stared at the floor. “The time just hasn’t been right.”

Trixie slapped the counter. “Bingo! Men’s minds wander at date six or earlier. Mark my words, he’s off shopping the catalogues, not admiring the old purchase.”

“Between you and Greg, I’m starting to feel like I’m ready for the glue factory.”

Trixie leaned down and stared into her sister’s eyes. “What’s with you? You’re the one who made whoopee with a California foreigner in a shed and Greg who is the obvious recipient of your pitty-pats doesn’t get as much as a bounce on the bed?”

Roxie bit her lip. “It’s because I admire him a lot.”

“Admire is something you do to a president or a Mother Theresa or a Nelson Mandela, but it sure ain’t what you want to do to your sweetheart. Not unless you’re laid back in a euphoric fog , smiling at how much you admire his motion of the ocean.”

Roxie looked up. “Motion of the ocean?”

Trixie shrugged. “You know it’s not the size of the wave, but the…”

“Right, got it.” Roxie exhaled. “You are such a nag. You know how I am. It’s just like how I was about Christmas when I was a little girl. You’d already sneaked and opened all your presents and wrapped them back up, but I wanted to open one at a time during the day. ”

“I shoulda’ caught on you were brain-damaged then. Get the car in gear sugar, or your sweetie will be trading you in on a new model.”

I hope this helps any beginning writers out there and would love to hear from readers as well.

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Bobbye Terry writes mystery/suspense, romance, fantasies and dystopian fiction. Her most recent release is Honey Blood and the Collector, written as Daryn Cross, Turquoise Morning Press.  Walk Right Back, also written as Daryn Cross, is soon to release from L&L Dreamspell. For more about Bobbye, visit her at www.BobbyeTerry-MysteryHappens.com and http://www.datyncross.com/ .

Now That's a Mystery

I read a review the other day that said most fantasies don’t have a mystery in them, and I began to wonder about that. I’m not sure that’s true, because to me it seems most fantasies have the hero/heroine searching for something. If they don’t know what it is, isn’t that a mystery? Even in my romantic comedies, the main characters are searching for a fundamental truth.

But, I have noticed as I write more straight mystery novels and turn to higher adventure fantasies, that the two become inexplicably combined in my fantasies (maybe a touch of magic even shows up in my mysteries).

In a recent new series that I have, strange things start to happen and even the earth angels involved can’t figure out how they’re occurring. For instance, what’s going on when a car appears to have driven by itself, no driver, or when lions suddenly appear in the back yard? What’s with the huge buzzard that keeps crashing into windshields? Then there’s the mysterious question of why the main character’s mother-in-law is being guarded by an archangel.

In my latest co-written work, This Magic Moment, released in December, the hero and heroine are searching for a love that has evaded them their whole lives. More importantly, they are searching for that one thing that will make them truly happy in their own skin. At the beginning, neither person is filled with wonder but beaten down by everyday life. To make matters even more interesting, mysterious things begin to happen, like everyone seemingly knowing what they’re doing all the time. How? Photos show up they didn’t know were taken. It appears someone is manipulating them so they’ll stay in the same rooms at night. Who could be behind all the mysterious occurrences they are now experiencing?

Piqued your interest? This Magic Moment is available now exclusively at Amazon.  The print copy is also available. The other series I mentioned, Walk Right In, is out now in e-book and print, released by L&L Dreamspell, and the sequel, Walk Right Back, will be out any time now. You can read more these and others on my website, www.DarynCross.com . For now, just remember that if someone says there’s no mystery in fantasy, you can ask them if they know how it will end when they begin. Not that’s a mystery.

Everyday Magic

At the beginning of the book, IT’S MAGIC, there’s a short prologue in which the mysterious magical matchmaker, Maxwell Magic, speaks to the reader explaining that adults no longer believe and dream like children. He goes on to speak about everyday magic, the simple pleasure of smelling the air after a summer rain, the tingle of excitement from a cool breeze off the ocean, the delight in tasting freshly fallen snow.

Want to have magic in your life every day? Break from your routine and enjoy simple things just for yourself. Here are my top ten suggestions:

10. Don’t anticipate, be spontaneous. If you plan too much it ruins the magic. Okay, so you’re a planner. At least write down my ten things and post them on your car dash. Then, in the middle of errands etc., just do one of the things on the list (uh, don’t do it while driving, okay?)

9. Have dessert first, or better yet, go to a restaurant and just order dessert (even if you’re on a diet, once will not hurt).

8. Take a disadvantaged person to the movies.

7. Buy a book in the bookstore for someone in line, or tell the person at the drive-through, you’re paying for a latte, burger, chicken dinner whatever for the next driver. Don’t do drive-through? Drive-through anyway and pay it forward for the person behind you.

6. Walk through the grass barefoot.

5. Read a book from a genre or an author you’ve never read before. Then leave a review for it--just out of the blue.

4. Go on a picnic lunch (Too cold? So? Dress warmly and have an insulated carrier—OR have the picnic lunch inside on the floor). It doesn't have to be fancy. I have had a picnic lunch outside composed of canned sardines, cheese and saltine crackers (one of my date’s selections a long time ago—and no, the lunch wasn’t part of the date—it was an extra). Okay, sounds hideous to most of you. But it tasted great out there communing with nature.

3. Meditate outside for twenty minutes (the quieter the place the better).

2. Go on a long walk or a bike ride.

1. Spend a night at home with someone special and no television or computer.

You’ll be surprised how much better you feel after you break from your routine and see life through a brand new set of filters. It is, after all, magic!

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Bobbye Terry writes as herself as well as Daryn Cross in fantasy/sci-fi and Terry Campbell (as a co-writer) in romantic comedy.

Her latest book, ROSE, is a romantic comedy novella.