Action before reaction
By Janice Seagraves
Have you ever written anything like this?
Example: Megan screamed as a big, ugly boar stuck its head in the tent opening.
Do you see what's wrong here?
I didn’t.
My editor pointed out that Megan reacts by screaming, before the action. The boar’s head is even in the tent yet, before she's screaming her head off.
Always, she told me, remember action before reaction.
Correct: A big, ugly boar stuck its head through the tent opening. Megan screamed.
Always put the action first.
Whether you follow up with action, emotion or internal thought, the action (boar) that provoked the reaction (scream) has to come first.
Ah, I got it.
Here’s the scene with the corrections:
Correct: Just as the sky started to lighten, Megan woke to a grunt and a rustling noise just outside her tent. “Who’s there?” She quickly unzipped her tent.
A big, ugly boar stuck its head through the opening. Megan screamed.
“Huh?” grunted the scarred boar. It tried to hook her with its tusk.
“Get out! Get out!” Megan shrieked, scrambling back to reach under her pillow. She heard something ripping as she jerked her head back to the tent opening.
The pig had gotten a tusk stuck in the tent’s door flap. It whipped its head back and forth, trying to get loose.
“Damn wanker,” she yelled. “You’re tearing my tent.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Also available at Smashwords, Diesel, All Romance and
for the kindle at Amazon.
My website: http://janiceseagraves.org/
Book trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XUAMBhl76k
18 comments:
So that's how it works! I've often wondered... LOL! Great post!
I have this same problem with my first drafts all the time. I'll read what I've written and it doesn't sound quite right and then I think - ah, I need a reaction here AFTER the stuff happened.
Great post, Janice.
great tip....I tend to have simultaneous action and reaction.
damn wild pigs.
Loved that scene. Will have to go over the first draft I'm writing of my next book and check for that. Betcha I'm guilty
Hi Fran,
Yup. :)
Hi Tina,
Yeah, its an easy thing to do in a first draft.
Hi Liz,
A simple period before the reaction can help that.
Damn pigs.
Hi Jean,
I hope my post helped you spot 'em.
Janice~
Thank God--I was afraid you were going to use my first reaction to your Effect/Affect post as an example of reaction before action. Whew! btw, I love the word wanker. Meredith
I have done the same thing many times. Does it have something to do with being left or right brain. lol
I'm going to have to check my WIP too - I'm sure I've done this without realising, so easy to do!
Great post. I enjoyed it.
I know this rule. Truly, I do. So why is it so hard to follow when I'm writing? LOL Thanks for the reminder!
This is an easy mistake to make, especially when you're trying to not to be too wordy. Thanks for the reminder!
great lesson Janice...very good to remember
Yep, I've blogged on this lesson before. There's just so much to remember. :) Good post, Janice.
Now, Meredith, would I do that to you?
Hi Sandy,
I don't know, but that is a very good question.
Hi Hywela,
Well, this sort of thing is very easy to slip into your writing. Especially if your writing hard and fast.
Hi Angela,
Thank you.
Hi Deb,
Your welcome.
Hi Bonsue,
That's true. And your welcome.
Hi Brenda,
Thank you.
Hi Ginger,
Thank you and isn't that the truth?
Janice~
It's easy to miss stuff like that. You aren't alone. I think we are blind to our own work because we are too close to it.
'As' is one of those crutch words that can get a writer into trouble if not used right.
Great to have this reminder. No, I probably wouldn't have caught it either. Funny how it's easier to find it in someone else's work, than my own. Thanks for the post.
Hi Kelley,
Your right about "As" you have to use it carefully.
Hi Sharon,
That's why it helps to have another set of eyes on your work.
Janice~
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