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Thursday, November 17, 2011

Words to make you laugh

Do you like crazy words?

Found amusing ones recently. Once a year Mensa invites readers to take any word from the dictionary and by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and then give the new definition. Hope these make you laugh.

1. Castration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Foreplay: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Flabbergasted: Appalled by discovered how much weight one has gained.

6. Coffee: The person upon whom one coughs.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

I’ve got more for another column. If you like these please let me know. I love them, but then I’m a little weird about words.

Here’s a few words of my own, which I hope you’ll like too. It’s an excerpt from Victoria’s Visions, my latest book released by PIP.

“Are you up to a race? See the copse of trees ahead? The one with the big oak in front? It’s a lovely spot with a small, running brook.” The sheer beauty of the day and his companion made Cabot’s heart lighten. “Let’s go. Victoria. One, two, now.”
As soon as he’d assented, she’d readied Lally, and both started at the same time.
She beat him by a matter of inches, and Cabot jumped off his horse. Without thought of the consequences, he dragged her from Lally. Her laughing face proved too much temptation for a man more than half in love. He didn’t think a male alive could resist her sparkling eyes and delighted smile. He bent his head and kissed her the way he’d longed to from the moment they’d met, his tongue invading her mouth and licking at her sweetness. She flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lithe body against him. To his dazed pleasure, she was not at all expert at the moves of love. She’d been kissed before, of course, but not very often or very well. The schools in Switzerland must be more protective than he’d thought. If he knew the address, he’d send somebody a fervent thank-you note.
He deepened the kiss, relishing her attempts to follow his lead with her sweet, soft mouth and questing tongue. Drawing her lower lip into his mouth, he sucked and licked and savored the taste of her honey. He moved his hands from her face to her shoulders and, almost out of control, lowered her body to the grassy ground and followed her down. Holding himself beside her, he caressed her body almost wildly, almost as if he wanted to punish her for being so irresistible. She gasped and writhed beneath his touch as he gloried in her uninhibited response. Then his hands grew gentle and adoring as he learned her feminine curves and found them even more luscious than he’d dreamed.
He intended to pleasure her in any way he could and then show her how to take them both to sexual fulfillment. No thoughts of anything but the beautiful body he was rapidly undressing filled his raging mind. Nor did Victoria make any attempt to protest, rather she kept kissing and moving against him with mind-shattering passion. He’d never known a woman to show such joy in exploring the boundaries of love.


Paris said...

Thanks for the morning chuckle! I always like to start my day with a smile. Loved the excerpt:)

Tina Donahue said...

LOL, I love it, Jean! Great post. :)

Katalina Leon said...

Thanks for a laugh Jean!

Kenzie Michaels said...

LOL:) I suffer from #3 and LOVE #8!

jean hart stewart said...

So glad you all liked these little witticisms. Thanks for the comments, ladies....Jean

Cara Marsi said...

I love the words. Thanks for the chuckle. Love your excerpt too.

jean hart stewart said...

Cara, thanks. Since this seemed to go over well I'll do some more on my next blog. I love to play with words, as I think most authors do

Anonymous said...

Great! thanks for the share!

Liz said...

nice one!

artlover said...

Thanks Liz and all of you who commented. I had fun with this one. Jean

Empty Sack said...

I think #1 should be cashtration. Castration is something else entirely. I should know as I've suffered both! Not sure which one is worse. Actually, I could always sell the house and get my money back.

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