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Saturday, January 18, 2020

Am I Old? Don't ask a Three-year old.

 The subject of this post was suppose to be about resolutions but as I sat down at my laptop to write it, my six-year-old grand nephew (yes, grand) was watching Youtube videos about playing Roblox games and I was utterly confused by the game and why watch videos of other people playing.

That was when I asked myself that question we all put to ourselves when the kids are doing something we cannot comprehend what is enjoyable about the act—Am I old?
Probably me in the future.

I’m forty-six years old and though, I know it’s 2020 yet when I think of that year, it still seems like that it is a sci-fi future that doesn’t exist in reality. That’s Back to the Future II fault. The movie is set in 2015, five years ago.

The most amazing thing is I don’t feel old. I feel as if I still have the whole world before me and I have so many plans. Yet, I can see the physical changes. I have more than a few gray hairs or as I call them nature’s highlights. Sometimes, I decide to dye my hair then decide I can’t be bothered.

When I smile the lines around my mouth don’t disappear as fast as they once did. I’m pretty lucky since I don’t have many lines on my face. But I notice the lines around my neck, which isn’t a good thing when you’re a writer and have your head bent down to the computer. Also some fine print looks like nothing but squiggly lines dancing around the back of the pill bottle.

I am now at the age when I once said would be a good year to die. My teenage self swore that forty-six was old and life would have nothing else to look forward too. Ah, the hubris of youth. Now I feel that there is so much more for me. Mentally, I feel my best even with my anxiety and panic attacks. I have a clearness and understanding that I never had in youth and wished I did. Life would have been easier.
Fibromyalgia may be affecting me but I feel a hope that seems much more real and rooted then I ever possessed in my youth.

So, do we really get old? Or does the body change like seasons and we must seek out life and feed the fire within us? I believe we must. We don’t have to live the idea of age but the best life for us.

So, I am not old. I am better and with much life still to do. I’m sure you feel the same. So, we’re not old. We’re better. In what ways are you getting better?

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