The Accursed Blurb

The B Word: Blurb. It makes me tense to even type out that word. I loathe, despise and curse The Blurb.

I've just finished writing 89,738 words and now I'm supposed to come up with 100 or less that capture the essence of the book?! I remind myself: There Are No Second Chances At First Impressions. A book’s cover is Part One of the first impression. The back cover blurb (BCB) is Part Two. What would happen to sales if books were shelved with the back cover showing front? Would a potential customer read it before looking at the cover or would they flip the book around to see if the cover made the blub worth reading?

I’d love to be able to write a blurb so totally enthralling the person holding my book doesn’t give a hoot about the hot guy or captivating scenery on its cover. Not going to happen but it’s a nice dream.

If these guys were on the cover, would you even care about the blurb?!

Finally the book is finished, the latest for me, Almost Denied, fifth in my Almost series, all historicals. 82,687 words which is on the light side for my historicals. Three chapters before I typed the last word that would signify The End, I got that heavy feeling that comes with unhappily anticipating having to write the accursed blurb. Not for the first time I think,  I wish someone else would write it for me. I’d gleefully pay a handsome sum for someone to take on the task, but that would require reading the book to know what to write and who could I get to do that?

So, I take up my pencil and do a word dump. First things that come to mind. Salient points about the book. It went something like this:
   Gianna LeBon, single woman, pretends to be a widow to keep her property. Must protect Pascal, the boy she adopted and Martine, her best friend, and Laura who’s fled from her evil husband, while chasing off all the idiotic men determined to buy her home as extra property for a resort being built at the seaside. Biggest of the idiot men, Colonel/Mr. Ross Rayne. Doesn’t trust anything about him and has no clue what to do about how she wants to hate him but can’t.
   Ross is just doing a favor for Decimus, the friend who saved his life, and whose father is building St.-Leonard-on-Sea, England's first resort. Trying to get Mrs. Gianna LeBon to agree to sell her property to enlarge the resort is futile. The woman is beyond stubborn. He really doesn’t want to like her but figures that won’t be a problem because he still isn’t over the death of his wife five years ago.

Gah! A third grader in her first creative writing class could do better!
I lecture myself: Remember, Polly. Your book is about people. Not the setting, or historical facts or historical locations. P E O P L E.

Blurb Take Two:

   No one is going to take Gianna LeBon’s land and home from her. Not any man, not for any price, especially the suspiciously charming Colonel Ross Rayne. Relying on the ruse that she is married may not be enough to save her precious home or the family she is desperate to protect.

   Ross knows how to deceive an enemy but he’s never had to use those skills on a woman. He regrets agreeing to undertake a mission of procuring the LeBon’s property. If Mr. LeBon would show himself then maybe Ross would have a fighting chance at success, but instead he’s stuck with his pig-headed wife.  

Grrr, worse than the first! Nothing to stimulate curiosity or wet a reader’s appetite to even read the title page much less look at the front cover. Only point in my favor is that the first sentence is a little interesting. A blurb's first sentence should be like a pick-up line. Not the tired, Hey-baby-haven’t-I-seen-you-somewhere-before? pick-up line, but something clever and engaging. Starting off with Gianna sounding fierce isn’t too bad. And what about having a question in there? Adding a question or two to the blurb could be tantalizing, right? Make the reader wonder what’s really going on between the covers. (The book’s cover, not the bedroom covers)

BCB Take Three:

   No man, no matter how wealthy or beguiling, is going to take Gianna LeBon’s property from her. Who do those men think they are, trying to lure her away from her property by offering more money than she'd see in a lifetime?
   What was Ross thinking when he agreed to this madness? Never again would he assume command of a task that spelled disaster from the onset. No piece of land is worth this headache.

 Horridly horrid. Last ditch effort as I curse the blurb.......

Gianna LeBon's property is not for sale. Period.

Ross Rayne has had it with mulish women.

They'll figure it out. Or not.

How do you write a blurb? Share your secrets, please!

#RB4U #Romance