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Saturday, March 17, 2012

Funny words, and clever too

Funny words and some new Paraprosdokians!!

One of my good friends sent me a new list of paraprosdokians, those crazy phrases where the first sentence makes a statement, and the next phrase changes the meaning in an unexpected way. A fairly new word to me, and a fun one.

So here’s some of the most clever and funniest ones.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. If I agree with you, then we’d both be wrong.

4. We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.

5. War does not determine who is right. Only who is left.

6. They begin the evening news with ‘Good evening.’ And then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

7. Women will never be equal to me until they can walk down the street with a bald head and beer belly and still think they are sexy.

8. A clear conscience is a sign of a fuzzy memory.

9. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

10.Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Love these crazy but wise things.

Here an excerpt from Fiery Pursuit, my first erotica. It's out now at Ellora's Cave and I just sent my editor the next in the series, tentatively named Stormy Pursuit. This cover captures exactly what I wanted and I'm so pleased with it. A kind of steamy excerpt!

Lars heard a little sob and turned and held out his arms even as Sophie rushed to him. She’d pushed herself to her feet and watched as Lars rescued her once again.
“Lars, I’m so sorry. I’m nothing but trouble to you.”
She clung to him, molding her body against his as closely as she could. She was shaking and distraught, and Lars held her tightly even as he turned to check the guards were on their way.
Lars reveled in the feeling of Sophie’s body clinging to his. Nestling against him at first with fright, and then with a shuddering sigh. He raised her beloved face to see is she knew how she was inflaming him, and saw only naked desire. She attempted to press even closer and ran her hands up and down his body even as she lifted her face for his kiss. All thoughts of denying their mutual passion fled, as Lars swung her up in his arms and spotting a grassy glade strode toward it. She clutched him tighter and wiggled her body frantically against him.
“Yes, Lars. Oh yes please.”
If she’d thought for a hundred years she could not have uttered more inflammatory words.
Lars took off his coat, spread it on a mossy patch, and lowered her to it. He kissed her on her lips and then opening her blouse, nuzzled her perfect breasts. Her belly rose as she bucked against him and Lars groaned in passion and relief from anxiety. He’d been so long without her, and now she seemed to want him at least partly as much as he wanted her. But he wouldn’t grind into her as if she were nothing but a receptacle for his lust. She was his everything, the mate he’d despaired of finding. He was determined not to rush this wonderful joining.
He let his hands drift over her perfect body, molding first her breasts, then baring them as he drew her dress down to her waist. She was already writhing and more than ready for him to continue his skillful undressing. He pulled off her shoes and drew her riding outfit over her uplifted arms. She was clad only in her shift and he gloried in the fact she never wore stays. Independence or the knowledge she didn’t need them? Maybe some of both.
He quickly unbuttoned the flap of his trousers and drawers and let his cock spring free. He was far too gone in passion to do more.
He eased her legs apart with his knees, even as he resumed his wild caressing of her face and her heaving bare breasts. Suckling her nipples and caressing her hot cleft with heated and expert hands. She responded with an ardor delighting him, twining her legs around his waist and bucking her mound against him.
“Lars, please. I want you. Now.”


Tina Donahue said...

LOL - love 'em, Jean. Thanks for making my day. :)

Paris said...

Thanks for making me smile so early in the morning:) Loved the excerpt!

jean hart stewart said...

Thanks ladies. I love the crazy things and have a bunch more. Maybe I should quote more next time.

Katalina Leon said...

Thank you Jean for a good laugh and a beautiful except!

Anonymous said...

You were correct, Jean...these are great little sayings, in fact, I'd like to use a few. LOL

Nice post...and great excerpt to your debut erotica fantasy novel.

jean hart stewart said...

Thanks, Kat and Kay Dee. I'm still a novice at erotica but it's fun to write.

jean hart stewart said...

Thanks, Kat and Kay Dee. I'm still a novice at erotica but it's fun to write.

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