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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Playing Cupid

Ever feel like you're playing cupid when writing, like you're the almighty controller forcing the two main characters in your story together, whether they like it or not?

Sometimes I wonder if these two people would really end up with one another if I didn't come along and point my pen at them, commanding, "Hey, you, with her. And you, get over there with him. Ya'all are hooked up now." I'd like to think I helped nudge them along toward their soul mate. In doing so, I hope I fulfilled their basic fundamental needs in a partner.

Wondering exactly what each hero and heroine "need," I did a little online research (yeah, yeah, I'm a googler). I found two most-commonly used lists. One is called the 5 Love Needs. It looks a little like this:

Men need....
1. Unconditional love and acceptance
2. Sexual intimacy
3. Companionship
4. Encouragement and affirmation
5. Spiritual intimacy

and Women need...
1. Unconditional love and acceptance
2. Emotional intimacy and communication
3. Spiritual intimacy
4. Encouragement and affirmation
5. Companionship

Another "top 5 needs of men and women" list looked a little more secular and read like this:

Women need...
1. Affection.
2. Conversation.
3. Honesty and openness. Trust.
4. Financial support.
5. Family commitment.

Men need...
1. Sexual fulfilment.
2. Recreational companionship.
3. An attractive (to him) spouse.
4. Domestic support.
5. Admiration.

I wouldn't say I agreed with any of these lists (though some things definitely ring true in my experience!). It does get you thinking.

What exactly are the needs of your characters? Not just the external plot needs, but the inner needs their partner will have to continue fulfilling long after the story if finished.

Just a little food for thought.


Tina Donahue said...

I love the way you spelled it out, Linda - so true - so wise. :)

Sandy Sullivan said...

Great list!

It sure gives you something to think about.

~ Sandy

jean hart stewart said...

Makes one think, none only about one's books, but your own marriage. ery interesting...Jean

Sandy said...

LOL You pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Linda Kage said...

Thanks, Tina, Sandy, Jean, and Sandy! I always thought the best romance writer would be a marriage or couples counselor since they deal with relationships so much.

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