A tool in the romance author’s box is the 12 Steps to Intimacy. These steps happen between your hero and heroine (I’m using hero and heroine to simply the explanation of each stage) as discovered by Desmond Morris. These stages happen in the natural world and every attraction you had in your life. It happens even without our awareness and each step cannot be missed.
1. Eye To Body:
Think about the movies. When the sexy heroine or hero first appears, the camera pans from the legs to hips, and up the chest, finally reaching the head. The idiom is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As the beholder, we are experiencing the first stage (hopefully, so is the other character)—the physical attraction stage, or as I call it the damn, he’s hot step.
2. Eye to Eye:
The second step is the first awareness between the hero and heroine. The spark of attraction grows hotter or fizzles. This is wherein a novel or real life, we notice details about his eyes. We might see a glint or feel cold or afraid and all from a glance (think how you feel when you first met the eyes of the person you love or the first time you saw that Charles Mason photo with his crazy eyes).
3. Voice to Voice:
Or the Now, we’re talking stage. That’s what I call this one. The hero and heroine are physically close, most likely an arm’s length away so that they can carry on a conversation. Screaming across a room isn’t very romantic. The dialogue—what is said, how it’s spoken, and the sound of the voice. These details reinforce the intimacy. Think about after you’ve talked with someone, you feel as if you know them better. It happens at this stage.
4. Hand to Hand:
Have you sat at a bar, talking with a guy and you place your hand atop of his? The first physical touch and the attraction can build and in romance, it’s a must. This step reveals the beginning intimacy between the couple and helps draw them closer, emotionally. Think about that scene in Bridgerton when Daphne and Simon touch hands. You felt the attraction and intimacy in that simple act because you unconsciously understand its meaning.
5. Arm to Shoulder:
This step has more unconscious risk than the others. This touch places hands near areas of danger on your body—neck, and head. With this stage, a person could be drawn in for a hug or the hand placed on the back. It’s a level of intimacy not enjoyed by everyone in your life. Imagine if your boss placed his hand on your shoulder. You’d more likely feel uncomfortable maybe violate, having your space invaded and you may even think why are you touching me?
6. Arm to Waist:
This act of intimacy happens between people very close to each other. In a novel, desire is boiling, and the bond has strengthened. All who witness this physical act know the meaning of such a touch. Imagine if you spotted your partner with his hand on a woman’s waist.
7. Mouth to Mouth:
There is nothing like a kiss. Scientists have stated that the chemicals of the saliva exchanged during a kiss have a way of letting our bodies know if the person is a good mate—biologically, at least. A bad kiss can ruin a good start to a developing relationship. We don’t go around kissing people, especially after Covid. Even kisses on the cheek have an attachment.
8. Hand to Head:
Unconsciously, this is the most physically dangerous touch, which remains from our less evolved days. We are at risk when someone touches our heads. With this step, you must have an intimacy with the other person, knowing that no harm comes from that person.
9. Hand to Body:
This stage can be half a love scene since this is a truly intimate act and the beginning before our hero and heroine enter the bedroom. Here, the body is explored in an amorous way. With the hand-to-body step, intimacy is almost at its apex and perhaps, love has bloomed even if unaware of it. If the next step is to happen, then this is where the couple has to decide to go forward together and toward the next one.
10. Mouth to Breast:
This stage is part of a half love scene as well as the beginning of a love scene. This stage is another actual physical intimate act. Emotions are involved.
11. Hand to Genitals:
Another step in the half love scene or the middle of a love scene. Genitals are private, our own personal place that is not revealed easily. Think about how awkward GYN appointments are. This is an extremely intimate act, which will only build, at least in romance novels.
12. Genitals to Genitals:
S-E-X. The final step of these stages and the end of a love scene. There is trust, desire, and intimacy between the couple.
But that doesn’t mean the book is over. These twelve stages will reinforce the growing romance between your couple. Best of all, you can mix up these stages. You do not have to countdown each one. If you do put—let’s say—hand to hand before voice to voice, just remember how your character would react in that situation. If she doesn’t like to be touched, then she’s going to pull her hand free.
Or what if your hero and heroine have sex in the opening scene. That is a purely physical act but intimacy between the two is lacking so this couple will have to build intimacy with these steps.
So, play with these stages and have fun. Then write them again.
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