Looking for Nirvana

Hello, Friends!

I can't believe it's June and my birthday month is almost over! I must say, I've earned every shimmering silver stripe in my hair--and I'm wearing them like a BOSS! 

I periodically do live events--this year, I have two more and I will only be doing local events in 2020 (i.e., day trips). While ticketing is closed for Literary Love Savannah, you can still attend the public signing on Saturday, July 27, 2019. I'll also be live-and-in-person in Bucks County, PA for East Coast Authors Convention the first weekend in October. If you'll be attending any of these, drop me an email and we can make plans for coffee or a drink. 

Which brings me to my topic for this month: anxiety. 

I have social anxiety. I am perfectly happy to hole-up in my office and hold FB live chats or sit behind my monitor and chat with strangers. It doesn't take any effort, on my part. I can just DO it. But, when it comes to a live event, I don't have the familiar sounds or smells or a reliable Puck (one of my cats) to 'help' me through the physical symptoms. 

I'm likely the quiet one, paying attention to the conversation and getting a 'read' on everyone. I don't have a lot to say in a group setting. But, in smaller groups? Totally a different story. And, if you put me in my element--making stuff up, because YEAH! Cards Against Humanity, trivia games, word games, etc.,--it makes the anxiety a little less because I feel like I know what to expect. 

So, why the American Sign Language fingerspelling of LOVE? Watching ASL communication puts me at ease because it's something my daughters and niece do when they're together. I may not understand a lot--hardly any--but the patterns are familiar. 

I like to say that I write to exorcise my own demons, but that isn't 100 percent truthful, either. Writing isn't therapy, either. But, what writing does--when a piece is finished--is make me feel like I'm not alone with my anxiety. At least I have my characters, right?

Now, I realize that there are a lot of readers with anxiety, too. If you're at a book event and I'm there, too, just know I'm as uncomfortable as you are, but I employ the fake-it-to-make-it tactic. And, I've got you. Feel free to hang out with me. We don't have to talk, although I'll probably ask you about what you like to read because I can talk about that for HOURS. 

I turned 51 on my birthday. The field in which my f*cks are grown is barren. I don't have to pretend anymore--I can be my neurotic self. People can like me, not like me--whatever--because I'm not here to make everyone happy. At some point in our lives, we have to realize that making ourselves happy needs to come first. Then, everything else falls into place. 

Much love, 

Deelylah