Paraprosdokian Sentences

I've double checked the spelling on this crazy word since I never heard of it before. It means that the first half of a sentence has one meaning and the second half gives it a whole new other meaning. I'll admit I'm taking the easy way out on this blog. As some of you know, I got hacked and my computer crashed two days ago. I was forced to buy a new one (on sale, naturally), and am busy transferring what I can from my Carbonite backup system. Also trying to finish the paper work on two new contracts, one for a free read from Ellora's Cave called Shelley's Secret, and another for a very long historical at PIP. (Passion in Print) This one will be called For Love is New.

"Enough of my computer problems, here are some great examples of paraprosdokian sentences from a hilarious e-mail a friend sent me.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple payments.

Evening news is where they begin with 'good evening' and then tell you why it isn't.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove you don't need it.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check if you say the paint is wet?

Hospitality: making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.

Dolphins are so smart. Within a few weeks of captivity they can train a human to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.

And the one I like the best. Behind every sucessful man is his woman. Behind his fall is usually another woman."

Hope you get at least a smile from these.!!!!!!