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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Do Vampires Pay Taxes?



Okay...I admit I like an occasional vampire story that's not too bloody. I'd rather read a good vampire romance book than watch a vampire movie. Too much bloody stuff for my viewing pleasure (?)  isn't for me.

I started to wonder about vampires and everyday life. Yes, we suspend disbelief for most of this stuff in order to concentrate on the "real" story...that of the romance and passion between the hero and heroine.

But let's talk about some "real life" issues a vampire might face. They can't all be rich, can they? Live in mansions, own expensive cars, never work? Right?

So...how does a vampire get a birth certificate? A driver's license? Social Security number (in the US)? Does a vampire pay taxes?

Maybe there's a secret central Vampire Identification Unit that works solely on providing necessary documentation like fake passports, licenses, birth certificates. And, now in the age of advanced technology, these could be updated quite easily.



Surely a 300-year-old vampire can't provide an original birth certificate. In fact, a new one would have to be issued every 30 + or - years to keep the vampire in question "looking" close enough to be in a particular age bracket. With eternal youth at whatever age a vampire was first bitten and "turned", you could only say, "I've had plastic surgery" so long before people would get suspicious.

Now that I'm dwelling on all this, what about resumes? Do vampires get phony ones? Would anyone do a background check and start asking questions?

I guess moving every 30 or so years would help, but new "ID proof" would surely be needed even then. What about voting? Can vampires register? And, here's another question from a far-off tangent from the inquisitive side of my brain...what costume does a vampire wear on Halloween?

Sigh.

I'm thinking way too much about this. I should sit back and enjoy a vampire romance book at face value...as a romance without pesky "hows" getting in the way.

Photos: Flickr: Design Haus and christmas_graphics_plus.com

13 comments:

Rose Gorham said...

Loved your post, Marianne! A good laugh to start the day!

Lynda Bailey said...

LOL, Marianne! Love how your brain works. ;)

Rose Anderson said...

Fun post! I think they go sell off their old stuff to antique dealers. That chest of gold coins or ruby stickpin could pay for this and that. Maybe they'd sell off all the gilded mirrors in the mansion. They are rather pointless. ;)

F. D. Davis said...

What a fun way to start the morning. And you've given me food for thought, considering I have a vampire series and a book I haven't written that's long overdue.

Who knows maybe I can get Adam Omega to tell me the answers to your questions.

Paris said...

Lots of food for thought, here. Thanks for the fun post. Unless you set the world up where vamps were accepted aka Sookie Stackhouse land, the problem could present all kinds of plot twists and turns. Especially if the character hadn't been particularly thrifty for the past couple of hundred years.

L. Rosario said...

As a vampire author, I figure if vampires exist then so do the means for them to "fly under the radar" per se. ;) Great post, by the way!

Cara Marsi said...

Thanks for the chuckle. I do believe you're overthinking this. LOL! I don't read vampire books because vamps scare me. As for why they're always rich, it could be that centuries ago when they were turned, they owned a lot of land. With inflation, the land is worth enough now to support them for a few more centuries. And a person can get any type of ID he needs. There are always shadowy figures who do those things.

Judy Baker said...

Fun post Marianne. I don't read or watch bloody vampire movies - I tried Walking Dead, but it go to be too much. Those were great questions to ask a vampire.

Tina Donahue said...

I like books that bring in the ordinary crap that we humans have to deal with. Taxes, zits, parking tickets. Makes the story more believable. Great post, Marianne. :)

vicki batman said...

This is hilarious! I don't know and don't have lots of time to think about this and really, I'm not a vampire person anyway. Shall laugh a while on this.

Polly McCrillis said...

Great post, Marianne! I bet vampires have their own banks - besides the blood banks.:-)

Gemma Juliana said...

Fun post, Marianne. You are definitely in Halloween mode. I think vampires are always wealthy because who wouldn't be if we could all live a thousand years! I laughed out loud when I read your question about what a vampire wears at Halloween. Why, his/her turned birthday suit, of course! :)

Melissa Keir said...

I also wonder sometimes if they can't see themselves in mirrors, how do they go get their hair cut or styled? What about shaving? I know my husband doesn't always use a mirror, but then he can nick himself....

The one that ALWAYS makes me cringe is what about a female vampire and her AUNT FLO... you know... the once a month curse... or even how a male vampire handles that much "blood" in a household!

I'm with you... after watching Dracula:Untold this weekend, I'll go back to watching the hot new Dracula actor sink into the tub, shirtless and all toned up!

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