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Monday, April 14, 2014

Recognizing Your Soul Mate

I read something in the Wall Street Journal about how to have a happy life. One of the suggestions is to learn how to recognize your soul mate. It made me wonder. Do you actually "learn" this? Is it a "gut" feeling you get? Do you "just know"...love at first (or more) sight?

Today, some cultures still practice arranged marriages. The bride and groom don't have any input in the decision. If they've been brought up to believe that this is how life works, they may be happy. They may not be happy but do their best to make a marriage work. They may be unhappy the rest of their lives.

Dating helps you figure out who might fill this position in your life. Some seem to know very quickly if they've found that "special" mate. Some take years in making the decision and commitment.

Things to consider:
Similar tastes in things/interests in couple activities.

Chemistry...is there any "spark" between a couple? Does your potential mate make you feel special? Sexy?

Long term plans that incorporate/mesh the goals of each person to make them a couple.

Financial attitudes...saving for the future? Live month to month? 

Family planning...kids? No kids? 

Location. Live in one spot/area forever? Be adventurous and travel/live in different countries?

Feeling comfortable/at ease with a possible mate...are jokes okay? Can you cry? Talk about anything and not get embarrassed/ feel awkward?

Lots to think about.

I think about how I knew my husband was "the one". Sometimes, love does come "at first sight". I met him at a dance and we talked for hours. He had goals; I had goals. We both worked. He was in the military and I admired him for that. We talked about our families and found we had things in common. I remember thinking to myself, "This is someone I can bring home to meet my mother".

On our first date, I met him at the door with my hair still in curlers. A friend was with me and she told me later that I was crazy to let him see me like that. I remarked that since he had a sister my age, he'd seen curlers before. I felt so at ease/comfortable with him that I hadn't given it a second thought.
 
We got engaged after 2 months and married 3 months later. And, we're still married after 43 years.

I thought about my romance books, and realized none of my heroes/heroines experienced "love at first sight". Most times, they were "at odds" with each other over some type of conflict...what all romance books have. But in each book, the heroes and heroines fell in love. They learned what they needed to know about recognizing their soul mates. The road to romance and love was always rocky, but they forged ahead.



What's the one thing you think is important is recognizing a soul mate?

http://www.mariannestephens.net
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photos: Flickr: emily792872 and Susan_d_p's photostreams

17 comments:

Rose Anderson said...

Great post, Marianne, and congrats. I met mine and we fell for each other instantly. So fast, in fact, the sensation came with butterflies. I'd never felt that before with any guy I'd dated. We were engaged a month later and married the following year. 37 years later and he's still my boyfriend. I can only imagine the journey our souls have been on together.

Victoria Pinder said...

I am getting married in June. Now I dated guys and thought I liked a few. But my fiance was so different. We met at a school and talked for hours. Personally, I cannot wait for my wedding.

Gemma Juliana said...

I love this topic, Marianne. My husband and I met at a women's talking stick circle, and it was as if our souls recognized each other. From that moment on there was no hope for anyone else - for either of us. It's nearly two decades later and we are as happy as the day we met. We are best friends and get excited about our breakfast date every week.

Tina Donahue said...

What a great post, Marianne - really enjoyed it. :)

Rose Gorham said...

I met mine on my 13th birthday. He offered my friend and me some grapes. We talked for about fifteen minutes. After he left I turned to my friend and told her he was the guy I was going to marry. We've been married now for 49 years. Did I recognize him as my soul mate? At 13 I wasn't thinking about love, heck I hadn't even had a first date! I just knew he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I still feel that way.

Paris said...

Loved the post! Friends fixed us up but I knew when I opened the door that hubby was "the one". I had to smile when I read about the curler incident. Same circumstances except I answered the door with a towel wrapped around my wet hair, lol:)

Molly Daniels said...

I took one look at mine and just 'knew' he was someone who would be in my life for a long time. Unfortunately, our timing was way off, but we've remained friends and joke about finally being together when we're in our 80's or whenever our respective spouses are gone.

Melissa Keir said...

I loved your list Marianne. Too often women can get caught up in the sexual spark. They forget that the person they are marrying may be someone who they don't even like.

I think that having things in common and talking about them ahead of time are important.

I met my husband through his ex-wife when I taught his oldest son.

Sandy said...

A very well thought out post, Marianne. I met my husband through work, and at the time he was married. Even so, I thought no way would I marry a greasy mechanic. lol I was into shirts and ties kind of guys then. When he became available, I had a chance to get acquainted with him and found out we had a lot in common. It has worked out very well, and it will be 37 years in August.

jean hart stewart said...

Loved your post, Marianne. Mine was a love at first sight thing, and it did lead to a long-lasting love. I was very fortunate...

Sandy said...

Wow! 43 years is an accomplishment. Thanks for sharing. My husband is my best friend and from the day I met him I knew he was special. We've been married only 25 years. I'm not sure I believe in soul mates but I don't think I could live with anyone else!!

Judy Baker said...

Romance was in the air immediately when I met my husband. I knew he was the one. Now, 43 years later, we still keep romance whirling around us.

Harlie Williams said...

Congratulations Marianne. I knew the moment I kissed my now husband that he was my soul mate. It sounds like a romance book but its true. Our first kiss was on July 3, 2003, engaged Thanksgiving 2013 and married September 4, 2004.

:)

Marika/Harlie

Harlie Williams said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Janice Seagraves said...

Love your post.
When I was dating my husband, I remember crying when I realized I had someone to love.

Janice~

Marianne Stephens said...

Thanks so much for all the comments...and your interesting stories of finding the "right" one!

vicki batman said...

I love this post. I'd dated a lot before meeting Handsome. And our first date wasn't one. And our second date wasn't one. But on my third read date... He was the first guy to take me to church, to grab my hand firmly, to chase me! And yes, we've been married a long time.

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