All blogs are property of authors and copying is not permitted.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Viagra? No Thanks. How About Dinner?


The makers of drugs that address erectile dysfunction are very creative. I mean, considering those drugs were more or less discovered by accident.  I can hear the researchers now when they were testing what is now Viagra for what is was originally meant for (chest pain).

"Hey, uh, Fred, you know the subjects in Group A have a comment...about their side effects?"
"What's that Cathy?"
"Well, um, they...ah..." she scratches her head and takes a deep breath. "They have massive, long lasting erections."
Fred looks up from his computer screen as a smile spreads across his face. "Really. And the control group?"
"Nope. Limp as noodles."
Cathy limps over to to face her partner, puts a hand on his shoulder. "Fred, I think we are on to something."
He frowns at her and takes a step back. "Well, it appears one of us is anyway?"

Regardless of Cathy's early fun in the chest pain trials, we are now inundated with commercials and ads that claim that "as a man of a certain age" you owe it to yourself to:
1. drive an expensive car, fast
2. get and sustain and erection that a 22-year-old would envy

While many of we ladies who are partnered with such well-aged men may value this, I would propose that they also "accidentally invent" something that would make him do things to get US in the mood too like:
1.  take us out to romantic dinners every now and then
2.  empty the dish washer without being asked, or at least
3.  not say things like "Damn honey would you wrap your hand around THAT" while staring at himself like a toddler

I'd call this drug: Romantigra, or perhaps DoTheDishes-alis. It would work wonders on the female dysfunction: the one where the last thing we want to do is admire your chemically induced boner because we haven't been "romanced" in years--and there are dishes to be done.  In other words, just because you, beloved older partner of many years, CAN and WILL get and sustain that impressive thing does not mean we are automatically in the mood to do anything with it. That's not how the stuff works, trust me.

It could be argued, evolutionarily speaking, that men beyond 45 or so who start requiring Vitamin V (or C or whatever) are going outside the realm of what nature intended.  Young men are the ones who have no  need for this chemical assistance because they are robust and eager (nearly constantly) to do the act that sustains the species (in theory) ...because they are supposed to be sustaining the species with their younger, healthier seed.  Regardless however, we wouldn't want to deprive our beloved older partners of one thing they will never stop enjoying--and might as well keep it in the realm of "Damn honey would you look at THAT" for us while we're at it.  The whole "in praise of the young man cougar post" I'll leave for another day.

Think of it ladies, seriously: He takes the blue pill, the then the red pill and not only can you ride for hours .... he takes you to dinner after he has cleaned the entire house, put away all the laundry, given you a foot rub, and told you to "go shopping" or "read" or "write" or whatever it is you really love doing while he's cleaning.  Just put the Liz Crowe name on the Nobel Peace Prize now I tell you....


In my newest release Escalation Clause, which is the 6th book in my very popular Stewart Realty series, I am doing something that goes outside what many readers of romance want: I'm letting my alpha males age (along with their females).  I intend to have an eventual final novel that addresses the intertwining lives of their children to finish up the series but that implies that this is not The Simpsons....these people are gonna get some snow on the rooftop.  As a result, the 4 male friends I've introduced through the series are going to need some chemical help to keep it up.  I include a short snippet of a longer conversation between them that has many readers LOL-ing all over my Facebook page:

“Didn’t you tell your doctor?” Jack asked, watching as Evan finally started to relax. “The good Doctor Robinson wrote me a script for it, laughing his young, fool ass off, mind you. Then when I showed up in his ER seeing Smurfs everywhere he made me go to my cardiologist for a checkup. That guy got me on the C.” 

“Huh,” Kyle said, motioning for one of the girls lurking around to come and sit on his lap. He ran a hand down her bare arm. “Will have to get some.” 

“So, you see,” Jack looked at Evan. “We are all in the same dysfunctional boat, so to speak. We are men of a certain age. Therefore, we use chemicals to help keep it up. Not because we are ashamed, but because we have smoking hot wives to make happy. And I like making mine happy.” 

Evan groaned and covered his eyes. “I cannot believe I am having this conversation.” 

“Here’s to erections lasting longer than four hours, my friends, no lie.” Jack held up his bottle, and the other two men clinked and drank. 

Floor Time: Stewart Realty book one is sitting atop the "What to Read After Fifty Shades" Facebook list, based on actual sales and reader recommendations on the page. The next 2 in the series (Sweat Equity and Closing Costs) are climbing up the top 50 list.  It may not be what you expect...but it will keep you reading!

Join the fun! It's hot, but real, because I like keeping it that way!
Amazon series link (print or ebook) 
B&N series link


Yeah, they have great ads. How could they NOT?

11 comments:

Sarah said...

Very funny post and right on point. Even husbands that dont need the C yet need the romantic pill so I would say you are on to something. Series is in my TBR. Looking forward to it.

Harlie Reader said...

So true Liz. Great post.

Marika

Sandy said...

LOL You had me laughing all the way through this post, Liz. I'm posting this to a few people who need to read this. lol

Liz said...

thanks Sandy, Sarah and Harlie.

Adele Dubois said...

Liz--I like the idea of older fictional heroes. Should be interesting to see how you handle their 'special' needs.

Best of luck with the series!
~Adele

jean hart stewart said...

Laughed my head off. Loved it. Great post.

Carrie Ann Ryan said...

*shakes head* Oh how I love your brain, Liz.

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Liz,

I love how your mind works.

Janice~

Cara Marsi said...

Thank you, Liz, for an entertaining post. You have a very creative mind. I love your pill idea. Think how rich and famous you'll become and think of how we women will worship you as a goddess.

Marianne Stephens said...

Amusing post...you have a wonderful way of making your points come across to readers!
Besides doing dishes, I want the laundry done, windows washed, and the entire house vacuumed...all thanks to "the pill"!

Nicole Morgan said...

Wow, I missed this post yesterday Liz but you had me rolling laughing this morning when I read it. Fantastic Post! Exactly what I needed to start my day off right! :)

Share buttons