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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Bra Shopping With Men by Janice Seagraves


Bra shopping with men
By Janice Seagraves

Hi, my name is Janice Seagraves. I’m a romance writer. I think sometimes my life is more interesting than it should be.

The other day my daughter and I went bra shopping with my husband and her boyfriend in tow. For the women reader, I’m sure you’re very familiar with bra shopping.  Have you ever gone shopping with the man in your life?

Yeah, that’s an experience isn’t it?

My hubby usually vacates the area, fast. He says, “I’ll shop for manly things like jockeys, while you’re occupied with feminine stuff.” This time he did the usual and you should hear him peeling out, as his shoes made black scuff marks on the tiles of J.C. Penny’s.

After raising an eyebrow at her father’s quick exit, my daughter turns to me. “What can I get?”
I pointed out the sale sign. Buy one bra and get the second one for half off. “Get two.”

My daughter found two bras.

“Try them on.”

She sighed. “But they the same ones I got last time.”

“You still might have changed since them. After all you did just lose weight,” I told her.

Daughter returned from the changing room, only to put the bras back. “I got bigger.” She hung her head.
I stared at her a moment. My daughter is the only woman I know who can simultaneously lose weight and get bigger boobs. How is that even possible?

“Then find the next size,” I said as I continued the search for my bra size.

I glanced at daughter’s BF. He kept his face impassive, but his eyes danced.

“I’m surprised you’re not doing cartwheels right through the middle of this store,” I told him.
BF grinned. “Oh, I keep that sort of thing to myself. But my inter pervert is doing cartwheel and flips on the monkey bars.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” I shake my head. What is it with bra size and men?

I made my own selections and go to the changing room. After struggling with my new shirt which I discovered too late was hard to get off, I found that I had grabbed the wrong size bra. “What the heck. What size am I?” I looked at the tag on my bra from home. Great, it's bigger.

Crap.

Redressing, I go back out and look for a bigger bra.

My daughter finds the right size bra tries it on and comes back, and I’m still looking.

“These fit. Can I have panties too?” she asks.

“Sure, if there’s a sale.”

“There is.”

“Okay.” I keep looking.

My husband has bought his jockeys and came strolling back, and I’m still looking.

I put back yet another bra I can’t wear. By this time I’m at the end of the bra section and the end of my rope.

“This is so not fair. I find all kinds of a little smaller and even a few just a little bit bigger, but not one single in my size,” I wail. Yeah, I’m loud when I’m upset and I don’t care who knows it.

Right then a saleswoman shows up as if she sprung out of the floor. “Can I help you, ma’am?”

While I’m telling her my problem, loudly, my husband starts to smile.

The saleswoman looks me straight in the eyes and asks, “Are you sure that’s your size. Have you tried a smaller size?”

I grit my teeth. “I just had on a smaller size my cup was running over like this.” I mimed my molded over breasts with both hands. I glance to my hubby and my daughter’s BF. “Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to be so graphic.”

“Oh, no problem at all.” My husband is grinning from ear to ear and bounce on the balls of his feet.

My daughter tells him. “Dad, stop smiling. It’s scary.”

My daughter’s BF whispers, “Your dad’s a perverted.”

Meanwhile the saleslady asks me, “Have you ever tried an extender?”

“Huh?” I stare at her like she had just grown two heads. What good would that do?

“A lot of women wear an extender on their bras. It really helps them,” she said as she plows on.

Hands on hips, I lean toward the smaller woman. “Look, lady, if you haven’t noticed I’m a large woman. I need the right size bra, anything smaller just won’t do.” Was the woman even looking at the size of my tits?

The woman didn’t even blink at my outburst. “But an extender would—”

I let out a dramatic sigh. God, I really hate pushy sales people. “No, extender. It just wouldn’t work.”

My daughter reaches past me and hands me a black bra. “Here’s one?”

“Well, hell. I was standing right next to it.” In the space of a minute we found two more.

I looked one over. “Oh, this is a pretty bra. And it’ll give me lots of support too.” You don’t always find good support and prettiness in the same bra when you’re my size.

My husband is looking happier if that’s possible. “Support is good.”

BF shakes his head. “Dirty old man.”

I go to the changing room and try on the bra. It fits. It’s supportive and it’s pretty. I imagine in heaven angels are rejoicing. Hallelujah.

And then my daughter thrusts a bra through the door at me. “Look, I found another one.”

“Yay, now I get the sale’s rate. Buy one second half off.” I dance a jig as the angels in heaven launch into another louder chorus—Halle-lu-jah!

At the cash register, while I’m making small talk with the cashier, my daughter’s BF saddles up to me and whispers in my ear. “I hate to tell you this, but your husband is doing perverted things to the bras.”

“What?” I jerk my head toward my husband. His cheesy grin is still in place as he strolls down the center aisle. “What did he do?”

“He felt up the bras. He told me that you compliment the bra, ‘Silky’ and when your woman is in them you used both hands, ‘Nice’”. BF mimes what my husband did.

“Oh, good grief. That man will be the death of me yet.” Good thing I don’t get embarrassed easy. My mother would have been mortified.

I paid for our things, and my daughter picked up the bag. My husband joins us, and we head out.
As we pass a manikin that’s wearing a bra and panty set that show half its white plastic ass, my husband hand whips out, slapping it on the butt.

My mouth dropped open. “What did you just do?”

“It was presenting.” He grinned back at me. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“Uh, not hit the dummy on the ass would have been my choice.”

BF says, “See he’s a big perverted.”

My daughter mutters, “Maybe you should hit him, mom.”

“Wouldn’t do any good.” I shrug. “What is it with men and bra shopping anyway?”

“It brings out the inter pervert,” BF said. “That’s my theory anyway.”

“I think you might be right.” We follow my smug husband back into wilds of the shopping mall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Janice Seagraves grew up in a small California town. Her home is a hundred year old haunted house (I’m not kidding), where she lives with her husband and daughter, an overly affectionate cats and a German Shepard puppy that can’t get the cat to play with her.

The writing bug hit her late at around twenty. However her art always drew her away from the characters in her head. After being diagnosed with tendonitis she found doing artwork painful, but she could still type and at last she turned her full attention to writing.

Her first book, Windswept Shores, is available through Pink Petal books.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Windswept Shores by Janice Seagraves
Cover Contest Winner
erotic contemporary romance
novel (approx 50K)
price $4.95
Cover Art by Pink Petal Books with assistance from Winterheart Design

BLURB:
The sole survivor of a plane crash, Megan is alone on a deserted island in the Bahamas until she finds a nearly-drowned man washed up on shore. Another survivor, this time from a boat wreck. With only meager survival skills between them, will they survive and can they find love?

~*~*~
You can find Janice on her website: http://janiceseagraves.org/

11 comments:

Tina Donahue said...

LOL. Good post, Janice. I must have more testosterone in me than most women because I hate shopping for underwear. I loathe shopping for shoes. Never can get anything to fit my feet - they're wide - I used to dance (ballet of all things), my toes are totally messed up.

Now point me at sportswear and I'm a happy camper. :)

Suzanne Johnson said...

I don't have a shopping gene, but I got a really good laugh out of this. Your hubby is a hoot! I'd always take him shopping for intimates :-)

Molly Daniels said...

Yeah, when it comes to intimate apparel, my hubby heads for the nearest chair...by the door and tells me to come find him when I'm finished.

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Tina,

Maybe we're related, I hate shopping too and my feet are very wide too.

Hi Suzanne,

Like I said it's a good thing I don't embarrass easy because he will act up in public.

Hi Molly,

My hubby will do that if his feet are hurting him.

Janice~

Cassie Exline said...

Your hubby sounds like a blast, I know, don't encourage him, but it does make shopping a more pleasant experience. Loved your post.

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Cassie,

Oh yeah, life with hubby sure is interesting. If he's not chasing down emus (another story) or slapping manikin's rears he's up to something else.

Janice~

Shelley Martin said...

I laughed so hard I woke my daughter up this morning! I wish I had that much fun shopping :)

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Shelley,

Well, life with my husband is interesting. :)

Janice~

Paris said...

LOL! Loved the post and hubby sounds like a riot:)

Mine shops with me also and sends stuff back with the sales people for me to try on if I'm not fast enough to stop him!

Sandy said...

My hubby would be a hinderance in bra shopping. lol He'd be a typical male getting his hands in the way. Snort!

Your bookcover is very pretty, Janice.

Janice Seagraves said...

Hi Paris,

My hubby has done that too. He love shopping, but I hate it.

Hi Sandy,

Oh, I'm sure he does, lol.

Thank you. I love that cover too. I won it in a cover contest at Pink Petal Books.

Janice~

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